I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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