Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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