I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
