Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
