i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
