Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
