I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
do herpes really smell.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize