Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
