walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
