I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
