She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
