plz talk dirty to me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can I color on your dick again?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
