What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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