he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
