Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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