I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
