i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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