this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
