I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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