When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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