Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
