someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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