If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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