He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
