i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
