I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
