so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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