Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
They have beer where we have blood.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
