if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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