***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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