you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
