remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
