I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
