I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
