Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
