The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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