I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
