How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
