omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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