Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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