I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
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You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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