How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
