Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do you still have your period?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
