she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
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You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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