i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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