All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize