I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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