I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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