I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
