everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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