will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
