i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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