I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.