I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize