oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
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Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.