Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  tell him to stop quoting family guy

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  (412): omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say (1-412): tell him to stop quoting family guy http://tfl.nu/1hbe
  Replies (18) Good night (1663) Bad night (777)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM

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  (606): I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM http://tfl.nu/m9e8
  Replies (6) Good night (960) Bad night (5614)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.

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  (512): He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone. http://tfl.nu/7h78
  Replies (8) Good night (998) Bad night (3170)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.

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  (760): I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation. http://tfl.nu/wrn9
  Replies (9) Good night (4224) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All she wanted was a cigarette

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  (919): She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop. (919): All she wanted was a cigarette http://tfl.nu/ei15
  Replies (1) Good night (1803) Bad night (733)
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  (315): View more from New York

  3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.

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  (315): 3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn. http://tfl.nu/iak3
  Replies (8) Good night (2156) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him

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  (516): He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him http://tfl.nu/fil7
  Replies (10) Good night (1099) Bad night (641)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.

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  (+44): Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight. http://tfl.nu/uuv5
  Replies (0) Good night (464) Bad night (571)
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  (805): View more from California

  Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"

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  (805): Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out" http://tfl.nu/3yx5
  Replies (7) Good night (703) Bad night (1177)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.

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  (917): That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies. http://tfl.nu/z8d5
  Replies (7) Good night (956) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."

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  (570): I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas." http://tfl.nu/unt9
  Replies (5) Good night (1158) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.

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  (306): cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life. http://tfl.nu/be5i
  Replies (2) Good night (609) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start

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  (773): well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start http://tfl.nu/6z20
  Replies (1) Good night (300) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You were silly, high, and chewing on things.

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  (519): You were silly, high, and chewing on things. http://tfl.nu/3bfw
  Replies (1) Good night (375) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.

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  (214): Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014. http://tfl.nu/clbp
  Replies (0) Good night (331) Bad night (172)

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