dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
