Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
