I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth