Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
