Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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