is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
