I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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