I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
