Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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