Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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