wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
