mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Randomize
