She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
