Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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