party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
