I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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