I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.