I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.