are you so shy because you have an std?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say