I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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