i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face