I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.