Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
ok first of all what the fuck
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
