Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
