I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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