Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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