Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
