clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
