I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
