Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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