MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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