Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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