She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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